Meridian Vineyards

Buttery Chardonnay

$4.43

New rule: If you’re going to purchase a $4 bottle of wine, don’t even bother with a glass. Drink that shit straight from the bottle.

Nothing matters! It’s going to be terrible. There’s no need for filters or aerating. The taste will not be improved upon. Your pinky will not rise up to the fancy occasion, even for pretend. There aren’t any hidden complexities. No elevated levels of flavor. No additional layers of oak or lavendar or pineapple. It’s garbage. Pure garbage. Plastic ass trash compressed into a piss yellow concoction. Anything can be a wine if you label it as such. You’re just downing a bottle of buttery urine, and it’s terrible, and that’s okay. Drink it like a pirate – it’s less pathetic if you pretend you’re a pirate.

I hate this fucking wine. It’s acidic and oily, and it didn’t even bother to hide beneath a twist off top. There’s an aluminum finish, followed by a gasoline aftertaste. I’m tempted to light my mouth on fire to wipe this wine from my tastebuds. Mouthwash cannot vanquish the metallic monster that is this fucking chardonnay. Alas, we must all live with our mistakes, and I am damned to live with the memory of this wine. Bleh.