The Velvet Devil – Merlot

The Velvet Devil


$12.21 (I thought it was $11.99 but I thought wrong)

While I don’t hate merlot by default, I’m generally not a fan. I usually find it a bit bland, and prefer a cabernet or pinot noir. I made an exception for this wine because a.) it was a twist off, and b.) I haven’t done a merlot in a while.

Smells like aluminum with a venomous front. The initial flavors are a splintery escapade. This wine is aptly named. Velvety smooth, with pops of peppercorn. I feel like I’m staring directly at the gates of Hell as they slowly creak open, revealing boiling rivers of merlot and crimson ruin. I’m definitely getting malevolent vibes from this wine; best suited for bejeweled goblets and bloody, red meat. My lust for power grows with every sip. Maybe merlot isn’t so bad. It’s a good heat, like a sauna or pizza cheese. Ignore the sweat and the burnt mouth. It warms your body and soul, as the embers watch you from the fire.

Candles, fireplaces, campfires – set them all ablaze and guzzle down the merlot. Delusions of witchery may occur. Consider bringing this bottle into the woods with you, just to see what happens. In the words of Black Phillip, “Wouldst thou like the taste of butter?”

Fun fact: I was Cersei Lannister for Halloween a few years ago. I drank wine from a goblet and bossed people around. This wine would be perfect for that costume.

Not-so-fun-fact: I am still upset about how disappointingly bad season 8 of Game of Thrones was. I know this is a wine blog, but I never fully recovered.

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