The Delicious Monster
60% Chenin Blanc, 20% Muscat, 20% Chardonnay
AS REQUESTED – A WHITE WINE REVIEW.
What makes a monster? I suppose most monsters are misunderstood beasts warped by our brains and overactive imaginations. While I’m sure some monsters are delicious (I wouldn’t know), it feels wrong to classify this wine as such. It has a deceptively smooth beginning taste, like a spiked juice box. The bite that follows is distinct, but not monstrous. Beastly, for sure. Monstrous? That’s a mischaracterization. The only monster this wine makes is me, after I’ve finished the bottle and celebrated its existence in the streets of Los Angeles. The twinkling stars and Hollywood spotlights are for me! Me and me alone!
This wine belongs on a brunch table, surrounded by flakey pastries and a pile of bacon. It’s a fancy wine hiding in a cheap bottle. It makes me want to bejewel and bedazzle my wine glass. It makes me want to get a manicure. It makes me want to throw a drinky breakfast party just to show off my new discovery – white wine can be good. There’s a chompy grape mouthfeel that lingers after the first few sips, and I don’t hate it. I actually kind of like it.
Disinterested influencers won’t be able to tell the difference between this wine and a $30 bottle of overpriced moscato. Chill it in an ice bucket and sharpie the word “fancy” on the bottle, and you can consider yourself a winner.