Shitty Wine Advice – Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving, fellow winos! (Or, is it wineo? I Googled this question, and it only gave me the definition for winebibbler – not quite what I asked for, but I found my new favorite word.)

As many of us are preparing for a Thanksgiving feast, you may be wondering what wine you should bring/provide for dinner. Obviously, most traditionally standard Thanksgiving meals have similar mains and sides – all bound together with thick, delicious gravy. However, wine makes a difference for how your day will go. Everybody’s days are different. Here is some Shitty Wine Advice for how to handle various gatherings.

  1. Friendsgiving

    Friendsgiving is the best. Always default to a box of wine, as sharing is caring. I prefer red boxes of wine, but you can always go in on one of each with a friend. They’re cheap, but efficient, and will keep everybody happy by the time they hit their 4th or 5th glass. Now is the time to splurge in the most cost-effective way.

  2. Awkward Family Thanksgiving

    Shove airplane-sized mini bottles into your bag or purse, and be prepared to chug them when you’ve locked yourself in the guest bathroom. It’s the best you can hope for, outside of hiding a twist-off under the sink. If any relatives are sharing in your pain, you can discreetly pass them a spare.

  3. Not-Awkward Loving Family Thanksgiving

    Find something good! You don’t have to break the bank, but anything in the $12 – $18 range is more than acceptable. You can pretend to be an educated wine-drinker if you bring a Pinot Noir or Sauvignon Blanc (as they have the fanciest sounding names), but Costco has some decent red-blend variety packs (more wine = a better evening.)

  4. Lonely/Solo Thanksgiving

    See advice #1 and buy yourself a box of wine. Or, even better, break the bank and get the fanciest bottle to drown your sad bastard, lonely tears into. This way, you will have something to be grateful for – a wonderful bottle of upper-shelf wine.

  5. Meeting the SO’s Family-Thanksgiving

    So it’s not your family, but your romantic partners’ – and you’ve never met them. You’ll essentially be dining with strangers. You can go any way with this one, depending on their relationship (see advice #2 and #3.) IF you want to impress everybody, now is the time to drop some dollars. If you’re terrified and socially awkward, plan on pregaming before arriving. You’ll feel better, and be drunker, so nothing will really matter until the next day.

I hope this super helpful list gets you through the holidays. Happy Thanksgiving, you winebibbling friends!

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