Dark Waters – Red Wine – 2019

Dark Waters

Red Wine (literally)

$5.49 (ish? I tossed my receipt, but got it at Trader Joe’s)

For some reason I’m unable to upload a photo of the wine bottle, so this snuggly picture of my cat Alfred will have to do. He didn’t like the wine either.

I’m just going to dive right in. The dark waves that is Dark Waves is an unpleasant fountain of pom-pom blastings. A dreary blend of salt and smoke that prickles with a sour-patch flavor. Bursts of rotten asparagus. The smelliest corners of your fridge. It’s too fruity in a bad way. As if Death himself blended a medley barley-wine in his cellar, forgot about it for 30,000 years then brought it to a last-minute party for the dead. Nobody with a pulse should have the sense to drink this. I’m not judging, but good grief I’m disappointed. The label pulls you in – a hypnotic whirlwind of blues and grays and blacks promise untold secrets and buried treasure. I was ready for adventure. Instead there is a pop of acidic vinegar, followed by burnt coffee and dry toast. Hints of Old Spice and nutmeg.

Points for being a twist-off top, so you don’t need to struggle with a corkscrew. That being said, specklings of broken cork may dilute what antacids cannot. The acidic vinegar pop that happens with the first sip is definitely off-putting. If you keep drinking it, you’ll eventually get to the bottom. At least, that’s what I’ve been telling myself. It’s taken me three tries and I’m not even done. I want to be rid of this God-forsaken bottle. I should’ve switched to whiskey when I became an unemployed writer. Instead I am cursed with the bottom-shelf dusty bottles of wretched wine. If I become a pirate, you’ll see me singing from the rafters with this very bottle nestled safely in my arm.

Update! I was able to upload a picture of the wine. Success!

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