Toasted Head

Chardonnay

$8.88

Fermented is the word of the day.

I try to avoid cheap white wine as a rule. It never ends well for anybody. If you want some good bad-wine advice, it’s to stick to the classics. There is good cheap wine. There is rarely good, cheap white wine. More room for error. My bias/self-preservation has kept me from obtaining more cheap white wines, as I expect them to be terrible. This wine was terrible.

Smells and tastes like fermented windshield wiper fluid. The label brags of a medley of fusions – tropical fruit, pineapple, and butterscotch. Maybe they toasted it for a little too long. It’s hard to tell. I can already feel the inevitable headache brewing. Unfortunately, I poured a large glass and don’t have any other alcohol options.

Straight vodka would be a better burn than this. I could blow fire with this chemical-additive-masquerading-as-wine. The burnt leafy aftertaste is more of a forever taste. Like, dry pine* cones stuffed into my mouth. I’m a husk of my former self at the end of this.

Don’t get me wrong – I did myself a favor, having kept the wine chilling in the refrigerator. It’s been a hot spring in Southern California. Maybe some ice cubes would dilute the battery tang. Maybe not.

^{*Pine cones are scientifically known as conifer cones. Pine cones are symbols of fertility, per Wikipedia. Try to avoid putting pine cones in your mouth, please.}