Searidge

Merlot

2017

$2.69 $2.21

This wine was originally supposed to be part of a Christmas Special post. It never came to fruition, because I opened the bottle after I was already drunk (hooray Zoom happy hours??) and didn’t take any. notes. I enjoyed it immensely. At least, I remember enjoying it immensely. I hoped to try it again.

Three weeks later, I spotted it at the store! And it was even cheaper! (That’s not a bad sign!) Hooray!

Today was rough. Life is rough, but today was especially rough. I’m not going to get into it, because this is supposed to be a fun blog/not a sad blog. Sad blogs are for places like LiveJournal* and Xanga; closets of the past filled with emo musings on love and loss and why are we here and why haven’t I discovered wine yet, etc., etc. I’m torn between doing a “Shitty Wine Blog Gets Real (sad)” post and keeping it cas’, so if I’m tonally off today – it’s because I’m sad.
This is the Sad Keanu of Shitty Wine Blog. Womp womp.
^{*(I’m 99% sure my “I’ll never be luvd” and “this time last year I wuz a virgin” posts are still online. Will confirm later.)}

Sad rants aside, I knew the wine would be bitter before I opened it. I didn’t expect it to boulder-roll down my throat like an acidic monster chasing a frightened squirrel. This wine literally splashed into my stomach. I can still feel it landing like a firework – coating my insides like an expired sour candy. Maybe I should have eaten lunch today. Am I going to regret this???

Regrets are for the future, not the present! It’s an intimidating wine, with a heavy punch to the face. The label should have a steamboat instead of a ship. There is no smooth sailing on this ride. My mouth is entirely purple after a single taste. Not a good look at parties… or alone at home, for that matter. Merlot has a bad rap, and I will continue to perpetuate that rap, but I will not perpetuate it today. Please don’t pretend to like this wine. When someone asks, “What do you think of this wine?” the correct response should be, “Meh.”*
(^{_{*followed by a disinterested shrug.} )}

That being said – I’ve had worse!

This merlot is not terrible. I can’t not recommend it, if you only have $3 for a bottle of wine. While I don’t remember the flavors from the first time I had this wine – I remember the hangover. Oof. I know I’m 30 and hangovers become worse with age, but prepare yourself. You might want to water this one down before you drink the whole thing. It has a bad habit of dehydrating your mouth with each pungent sip. While the flavor can be relatively offensive at times, the smell is deceivingly light. It’s how it lures you in. This is not a wine for sharing, nor the faint of heart.

Pairs well with cold leftovers and reruns of Friends.