Shitty Wine Blog | Fancy Edition

Wine-oladies and wine-os! Hold on to your pants. They will fall down with excitement. I have a very special blog post experience to share with you this evening. A rarity in my shitty-wine life.

A glimpse into the realm of fancy wine.

The kind of wine your great-aunt brings for dinner, and pours a pitiful taste into your glass. The kind of wine where you’re obligated to put your pinky up as you drink. The kind of wine where you’re expected to say “hmmm…,” “what a wonderful aroma,” and “how delightful!”

Fancy. Ass. Wine.

In honor of my BFF Beth coming to Los Angeles, we went to Fancy Schmancy Wine Town aka Los Olivos, California. The town is located next to the wine town in the book/movie Sideways. This place is my happy place.

Wine tastings are typically $15. Revisiting**is endless.

First! we went to Artiste – my favorite fancy-wine winery. We were not disappointed. Because it was our first stop of the day, I was able to treasure (re: write down) each tasting as best I could.

  1. Girlfriend’s Wine – Wildly appropriate, as we were two girlfriends starting our wine journey into the sea of wine country. Surprisingly sweet.
  2. Final Details – Boozier but clean.
  3. Reverie – Tasted like a cranberry colored crayon, but in a good way. You know the one.
  4. Il Giardino – Holy shit I loved this wine. Tasted like butterflies and fairy dreams. I would have bought this one, but I am le poor.
  5. Balcon Verte – Not as good as #4. Watery.
  6. Rouge BalconBOLD.

I made sure to revisit #4 twice, and we stumbled on our merry way.

Buzzed and proud, I did not write down the name of the 2nd winery. At this point, I don’t think it matters. The first four wines we tried sucked ass, especially the first one. The only note I made was, “appleshit weed.” I think that sums it up quite well. Thankfully Beth made friends with the fancy wine-pourers, and they got us drunk enough (off menu!!) not to care about their mediocre fancy wine.

Bonus points: They only charged us for one tasting instead of two. BAM. What they didn’t have in flavor, they made up for in class.

The third and final winery wins the Fancy Wine Day. Beth once again made friends with the fancy-man behind the counter. Only this time we got TWO FREE TASTINGS!!!!

The wine was fancy as fuck, and just as delicious. We got a super-secret tasting of a dessert wine, and I weaseled our way into a super-secret revisiting of said super-secret wine. Revisitings are the best. I was drunk enough to be suckered into a membership, and walked out with two fancy-wine bottles (bastards.)

After all is said and done, fancy wine is a precious gift us poor shitty wine drinkers experience on rare occasions. I embrace every fancy wine opportunity.

*Below is the only documentation of Fancy Wine Day.  All photos from Artiste aka pre-drunk me. Not only am I a shitty wine drinker and a shitty wine blogger, I am also a shitty Fancy Wine Day documenter.*

Tldr; Drank fancy wine, got drunk, felt special

**Revisiting: Upon completing a tasting of wines, you get to go back to the wines you liked and drink more. It is literally the best thing ever.

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