Gallo Family Vineyards – Cabernet Sauvignon – California

$2.97

Punches your nose in the face with its aroma, to the point where you think this might be the one. That less than $3 wine that you can drink during the week, and not be embarrassed to share it with one of your single friends. It is out there, somewhere. Waiting in a dusty aisle with an orange sale sticker half-peeled up and faded. A plain ivory label indicating nothing tasty is inside the bottle. Maybe some day. Certainly not today.

I will admit, I let my guard down with this one. Bitter, strong, flavorful – those qualities make a good cab. I love cabernets, almost as much as I love pinots. A good pinot will fuck you up nicely. Unfortunately, I don’t review delicious wine. I am far too broke for that shit. I review shitty wine. And this shitty wine is right up there with the rest of them. So I popped that bottle into my shopping cart, and took it home with me.

As I said earlier, the odor that arises isn’t awful. A bit nutty, with a hint of vinegar. I didn’t think much of it.

Upon my initial sip, my first thought was “but where’s the taste?” God, I can be stupid sometimes. NEVER EVER ASK YOURSELF THAT QUESTION IF YOU’RE DRINKING A WINE THAT COSTS LESS THAN THREE DOLLARS.

Halfway through my stupid thought, the rest of the flavor hit my tongue. It was a strange mixture between flavorless and awful. If you’ve ever eaten a mulberry that’s been showered in toilet water, this will give you a good idea of what you’re in for.

If you want a cheap buzz to justify watching hours of Netflix reruns that flavors well with expired ramen, I cannot recommend Gallo Family Vineyards enough. An extra dollar really goes a long way.