Stormhoek | Chardonnay – South Africa Premium Wine

It has been… a while… since I last posted. Things have been crazy. I got a new job, uprooted my life, yada yada yada.. I’m also incredibly lazy. But here I am and here are you.

Anyway, less about me. I didn’t come here to write about me. I came here to write about wine. Hopefully my keyboard doesn’t crash in the interim.


Stormhoek – Chardonnay – South Africa Premium Wine

$1.99 from the dollar store. Fuck you, Los Angeles.

They say this is wine 4 friends. As someone who hates white wine, and as someone who doesn’t have any friends, I decided I would just do this one solo. Four juice boxes of wine stacked high. Bold letters: Change the world or go home. I can’t tread lightly here; this is some serious shit.

These hand grenades don’t scare me, despite the strange yellow color. No need for a wine opener; this lid pops right open. The aroma is a combination of plastic and aluminum foil.

Foul! So fucking foul! Oh my God why.

Tastes like somebody peed into a bucket, dumped it in a juice box and sold it as wine. Choking down the plastic piss, I realized I’ve never not finished a shitty wine before. I gave up on this. Not for the faint of heart. This one will kick you in the nuts with its punchy sharp flavor. The other three are still sitting in my cupboard, untouched. I hope they go away on their own. I am worried that life will find a way for these bobbles of pain.


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